Princess Park

It was 5:46 on a Sunday evening and I lay there in a fit of rage that I couldn't express through words, only movement. Rapids, soaring through my bleeding heart as I abruptly got up from the bed to awaken the sleeping boy next to me.

It was starting to get dark. I was uncomfortably full from all the scones I had eaten, and the dog was still agitating me with his general existence.

'I’m going for a walk', I scowled and the scathing tone in my voice carried across the room loud and clear. The wind howled outside as the rain started bucketing down again.

He was half asleep. 

I had an uneasy feeling in my chest and my behaviour this weekend had been volatile to say the least. I tossed and turned in my sleep. I felt angry because the weather was cold. I felt tired because the heater was too hot, frustrated because my boyfriend was asleep, upset because I got made redundant from my job and my head was racing because as I tried to sleep, all I could think about was the 22 year old girl that got raped and murdered in Princess Park on Tuesday night.

I wanted to go for a walk to take a deep breath and to clear my head, but for the first time in my life, I felt scared to walk in the dark.

I didn't want to be raped and murdered. Didn't want someone to come up behind me and tackle me to the ground, cover my mouth with their hands and try and pull off my jeans. Choke me, or strangle me until I can't breathe and my lungs collapse. Threaten me, be on top of me, hurt me. You see, I didn't feel like that tonight.

The tree saw it happen. It was cold, dark. Misty. That tree, right near the tennis courts saw him coming from a fucking mile away. Couldn't say anything though. Couldn't warn her.  

My voice is pretty loud when I want it to be and I could scream at the top of my lungs, and if anyone was listening, they could maybe come and save me. I’m pretty strong too. I could kick someone away if they tried to come near me. Stab them with the keys I keep in my left pocket, punch them in the stomach and run as soon as someone flinched behind me. Could I?

Hey, but did you hear channel 7 talking about the African Gangs? Did you hear there are refugees attempting to get into our country? Better stay in our houses because we aren't safe. White boy murders and rapes a 22 year old but he’s autistic. Maybe didn't know any better.

750 metres from my house. As that girl was getting raped and murdered, I was sleeping in my bed, safe, in a second level terrace building on Drummond Street with arms wrapped tightly around me. I was breathing. I was sleeping and alive. Just 750 metres away.

Tomorrow when I walk along Merri Creek, right next to Clifton Hill where I used to live, I’ll hold my bag close to my chest, and I will flinch when the dog starts barking. I’ll think someone is following me, but really it's just the wind rustling the leaves in the gum tree on my right. I’ll be walking by myself, but I won’t have my headphones in this time. I'll be walking by myself, but ill be more alert than I normally am. I'll be walking by myself, but every time Bowie tries to stray away, i’ll panic and put him back on the lead.

A gloomy reality and a sad end to a cold winter week in June.